Passion.

It has been months since I have last blogged, and although I have thought about blogging I could never figure out what to blog. So, instead of trying to think hard and write my blog in my head first, I am just going to go with this one.

One of my biggest dreams is to model. Whether my modeling career is big or small, it is something I have wanted to do since I was about 5. When I was that little it was all simple and I knew I would somehow make it into modeling. Yet, as I grew older and I eventually got involved with church I started to second guess my dreams, and yes, my passion. Could I really model if I am supposed to be a Christian? Don't I have to be in ministry to be a Christian? So many questions just like these hit me hard. I started to slowly give up and back away from my modeling dream. Until one day I sat down with a friend and I began to talk all this out with them.

God knows my heart, he has placed a passion in my heart for a reason. He knows how passionate I am about modeling. In a book I am reading called Hello Future it says,

"You can surpress your dream or put it aside, you can deny it or not want to have it any longer, but nevertheless, you'll always carry it inside you beacuase your heart is where you are: "Hello, it's me, your heart!"

I tried to push my dream and my passion away because I was in fear that I was disobeying God by not going into ministry. I told myself time and time again that God had a different plan, a different calling, a different passion for me. Modeling wasn't in the picture. I doubted and made up my mind, on my own. Instead of seeking God I turned away and made the decision myself. Another line from this book is,

"Moses had power to endure because he was standing before God. He constantly kept God before his eyes."

I became so fearful of the rejection that may have came from wanting to model, and not being accepted by the church that I allowed myself to just give up. I stopped fighting for what I loved, and something I was so so passionate about. Instead of going to God and asking, "God, is this what I should be doing? You put this passion in my heart for a reason, and I know somehow you will make this modeling happen for me." I said, "I give up, forget about it." I looked down at something I just trampled and gave up on instead of looking up and handing it over to God to help lead me with.

As years have passed by I am more passionate about modeling than I have ever been. God is providing me with opportunites and people I never thought I would have. I have my eyes set on Him and not only am I following Him, but I am walking by his side, hand in hand, knowing that he will make things work together for my good. (Romans 8:28 - constant reminder.)

That's all. Until next time. :)